Drunken Words
by notsoinnocentfangirl
Summary: And it's what we say when we're drunk that we sometimes regret the most. Remus hates alcohol, and Sirius needs it to forget, for just a moment. MWPP Era. Complete, rating changed from T to M.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Major angst, just to let you know. No happy ending, yet, but read anyways ok? The idea came to me tonight when my aunt came home smelling of stale beer and whatever else she had drunk, and all I could think was '**_**God, the smell makes me sick.'**_

_**Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own any of these characters.**_

**Drunken Words**

Remus looked up at the sound of the dormitory door opening, looked up just as Sirius, with disheveled hair and even more disheveled clothing, stumbles into the room.

Just one look at the dark haired boy and Remus knows.

Remus knows that Sirius is drunk, and just knowing makes his stomach turn over and twist itself into knots.

He doesn't want the boy to get close enough for him to smell him, to smell the alcohol on his skin, to smell the foul odor mixed in with his breath. He doesn't want to smell it, to have the god awful scent wrap around him, silently telling him what could happen, what events were sure to come. Nothing good ever happens when alcohol is involved.

He hates the smell of alcohol, hates it almost as much as he hates the affect the stuff has on his friend's behavior. It's like a warning bell to him, silently yelling at him to run, to flea, to escape and find safety.

If only he'd listen to the warning once in a while.

"Remus…" Sirius slurred, stumbling loudly across the room to stand in front of the werewolf, looking proud when he did not trip over his feet. He smiled, a little crookedly, a lot drunkenly, and practically sits on top of the tawny haired teenager.

Remus pushes him off a second later, a look of disgust marring his scarred yet beautiful face.

"I've asked you not to come around me when you drink, Padfoot. Now go away, please."

Sirius pouts softly, looking up at Remus rather pathetically. "Oh come on Moony. Loosen up. I didn't drink that much. Stop being such a prude."

Remus rolled his eyes, his mouth tightening in displeasure as the smell of stale fire whiskey and rum fills his sensitive nostrils. "I don't think that prude is the right word in this situation, Sirius," he says harshly, glaring at his friend. "Get out, now."

"Oh come on Moony. You're taking away my high. It's not that bad anyways. What the hell is the problem," Sirius asked angrily, his words tumbling over them selves as he spoke, words jumbling together and becoming nothing more than gibberish due to the amount of alcohol he had in his system.

He was only sixteen, and didn't know how to hold his alcohol very well.

Remus scolded, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting up straighter on his bed, back to the headboard, glaring at his friend. If looks could kill, Sirius would have dropped dead ages ago.

But they couldn't, and Sirius just glared back.

Remus sighed, a soft, heart wrenchingly sad sound, before he dropped his gaze, eyes trained on the large tomb of a book that sat in his lap. He was very tempted to pick it up at chuck it at his friend's head, just to see if it would leave a dent in the other teen's thick skull. "You know that I hate alcohol Pads. You know I hate it, and you know why I hate it. Forgive me for thinking you cared for me enough to listen to my request about staying away after you've been stupid enough to run off and consume a load of it."

Deep inside Sirius' head, a more sober part of him was awakening, screaming at him to stop being foolish, to grovel and beg and to apologize to the werewolf before it was too late.

But this was Sirius Black, and he never listened to anyone, not even himself.

"Oh come the fuck off it Remus. God, poor little Remus, right? Bitten by a drunken werewolf, beaten half to death by a drunken father, abandoned by a drunken mother? Well you know what Remus, fuck you. Maybe all that shit happened to you because you deserved it all. Christ, you want everyone to be perfect, want everything in order and for everyone to behave, with hands folded in their laps and smiles adorning their faces. Well you know what? Life doesn't work that way, and maybe if you just accepted that, people might treat you like you actually mean something."

Remus looked up at where his friend suddenly loomed above him, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He would not cry in front of this bastard. He wouldn't. No matter how much the words hurt, he knew they were true in a sense (and perhaps that is what hurt the most) and no matter how much Remus struggled to tell himself that _'No Moony, you're not worthless, you don't deserve a life full of depression and scars and agony'_ he wouldn't let another drunk bastard make him cry.

It didn't matter that he was in love with this person.

The person that stood above him now, grey eyes unfocused, perfectly sculptured mouth tightened in a snarl, did not deserve his love.

This person, _this Sirius, _who was drunk and cruel and just painful to be around and to look at and to listen to wasn't who he loved.

This person was nothing more than a Black, and no matter how mach it tore at Remus' heart to think of his friend as such, no matter how much everything in him screamed _no no no, that's not true, he's better than the lot of them, _he knew that it was true. He knew that with enough fire whiskey, Sirius became the very thing he always swore he wasn't. A Black.

That's why Remus hated alcohol more than any damn thing in the world.

He hated what it turned the kind, loving Sirius into. Hated how the stuff turned beautiful, mischievous Padfoot into cruel, harmful Black heir.

Instead of telling his friend all this though, he looked away again, eyes focusing on the cracks in the side of the wall. "Please go away Sirius. Please, please go away, before you say anything more that you'll later regret."

Sirius laughed cruelly, grabbing his friend's shoulders and shaking him roughly. "Me, regret saying these things? Oh, I don't thinks so, dear Moony. In fact, I've wanted to say these things for a very long time. After all, it's all true right? What more does a werewolf deserve other than hatred and scorn?"

Remus breaths in sharply, pain radiating in the quiet, almost silent sound, and this time he couldn't stop the tears from falling, because really, as often as Sirius had drank, as much as the two boys bickered and fought and said things they really didn't mean, never, never had Sirius referred to Remus' curse like that.

Never had he spoken aloud the very things that Remus always felt.

Remus was a monster, and being so made him undeserving, tainted and worthless.

And even now, as the words lay heavily in the air, Remus can't seem to breath, can't seem to stop the tears from falling, because even though he knows that Sirius is drunk, that he doesn't know what he's saying, Remus can't help but think that all Sirius is saying is how he really feels.

Because the truth comes out when you're drunk, doesn't it?

Sirius looks at his friend, awareness creeping into his drunken, clouded mind, and he gasps, sort of, but the sound is too low for anyone to hear. The alcohol is wearing off now, and his brain is finally catching up with everything he's said.

He wants to take it all back, to tell his friend that he didn't mean any of it, that he was just drunk and in pain and looking for someone to lash out on.

But he knew he couldn't. He had gone too far this time, had hurt his friend, _oh Remus, oh Remus I'm sorry, _far too deeply, and he couldn't take a single word back.

And even if he could, he didn't know if he really would, because really, as much as he hated hurting Remus, as much as he hated seeing his friend so broken and miserable and just… just so sad, he knew he couldn't apologize, knew that he couldn't take back all those things, even though he desperately wanted to, _because really, he didn't mean them. Remus was kind and loving and just so sweet and beautiful and perfect. Of course he wasn't a monster, and Sirius would personally hex anyone that said the brown eyed boy was… which meant he'd be hexing himself sometime in the near future. _No, taking all those things that he had said back, all those cruel, hateful words back, would mean risking revealing the one secret he had to keep hidden.

Taking Remus into his arms and comforting him would make all of Sirius' shields drop, and really, he just couldn't let that happen.

He couldn't let Remus find out how much he loved him. _And he did. Sirius loved the werewolf, was in love with the thin, almost fragile boy. _

It was better for Remus to think that he was nothing but a god awful Black, then for him to know that he was nothing but a love sick teenager drinking his sorrows away.

"Rem," he whispered still, feeling the need to say something, to fill the suddenly heavy silence that had replaced the screaming from moments ago.

Remus shook his head. "Just go to bed Sirius. You won't remember any of this in the morning. Just go to bed, sleep off whatever is in your system now. Please just go to bed," _before you hurt me anymore, _he silently added, looking tearfully at his friend.

Sirius nodded, climbing off Remus' bed and into his own, both sets of curtains snapping shut at the same time.

Neither boy got any sleep that night.

Neither boy could forget the words that had been said, nor the pain that came with them.

Nothing good ever came when alcohol was involved.

And nothing good ever came when you loved, but were too frightened to let the feelings out.

_**A/N: Hey guys. I know, this is so not like me, because I'm a major fan of happy endings, and that's usually what I deliver. It's just, do you guys get it? Remus hates alcohol because nothing good has ever happened when it's involved, and Sirius is drinking the alcohol because he loves Remus and wants to forget that, for just a little while. Did I make you understand that, that all those things that Sirius said, he only said because he's in love and in pain? That's what I was going for.**_

_**I don't really know if I'm going to do more with this. I really hadn't even planned on writing it, till my aunt came home smelling of beer and what not, and the idea suddenly hit me, to put my hate of that smell into a story like this, so I don't know if there will be more, if I'll post a sequel, but I do love happy endings, so maybe.**_

_**Please review, and let me know what you think, and possibly what you want from this.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: I really hadn't planned on continuing this, but I'm a sucker for happy endings, and even though it's not quite happy yet, I'm working on it. I couldn't leave things as they were. Not to mention that I had some people causing me bodily harm if I didn't fix things between Sirius and Remus. Lol. **_

_**Disclaimer: We all know that I don't own a thing, aside from my crappy writing. Lol. **_

_**Chapter 2**_

When Remus woke up in the morning, he almost thought it had all been some sort of terrible nightmare. But his eyes were puffy and swollen and sore, and his throat felt raw, a sure sign that he had been crying a lot.

And he knew. He knew that none of it had been a dream.

All those awful things that Sirius had said to him, about deserving all the bad things that happened to him, about not deserving anything more because he was a werewolf… it all really happened, and when Remus excepted that, he almost couldn't breath for a moment, because it hurt so much.

He knew that Sirius didn't mean any of it, that it was just a bunch of words that the drunken Black had said in a drunken haze, but that didn't erase the pain.

Remus didn't know what he would do.

How was he supposed to act around Sirius now?

It took him a moment to realize exactly what Sirius being drunk meant, that he probably wouldn't remember anything that had been said or done last night, and he felt a rush of relief go through him when he realized he didn't have to do anything.

He could pretend that none of it had ever happened.

Remus opened his bed curtain slowly, surprised to hear the snores that filled the room, surprised that his friends were still sleeping, until he remembered that today was in fact Saturday, and everyone would probably sleep in till about 10 o' clock, if not later.

That gave him some time to settle his nerves before Sirius woke up.

Or so he thought.

Sirius opened the curtains around his bed at the same moment Remus' hand closed around the handle to the bathroom door, both boys wearing a deer caught in head lights look as they stared at each other, before Remus forced a smile on his face.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully, all the while thinking, _This won't be as easy as I thought._

"Remus," Sirius whispered, looking at his friend. He stood up from his bed, crossing the room so that he stood directly in front of Remus, and looked down at the tawny haired boy with an expression of guilt and regret, the emotions swirling in his grey eyes, making them appear darker than they normally were.

Remus felt a moment of panic. It was clear that Sirius hadn't forgotten.

"Remus," Sirius whispered again, reaching out to touch his friend, because even though he had told himself the previous night that he couldn't apologize, that doing so would leave him bear and vulnerable and cause him to lose Remus forever, he couldn't stand thinking of his friend being in pain.

He had to tell Remus that he hadn't meant a word he said last night, even if he couldn't explain what had caused him to say all those things.

After all, how could he explain that he had only lashed out at the younger boy because he was in pain himself, and that being in love with the bookwormish boy made him want to rip his heart out?

It wasn't that being in love with Remus was a bad thing. Remus was so smart and sweet and kind, with a touch of mischief added to all that, and he was beautiful too, with his light brown hair, and almost golden eyes. He was all things great and beautiful wrapped into one stunning package, so it was really no surprise that Sirius loved him the way he did. There was nobody better to love then Remus, and that is what, somehow, made the emotions that Sirius felt worse.

It was wrong for Sirius to love Remus. It felt dirty, because even if Remus was a werewolf, he was so pure, so untainted, and Sirius could never bring himself to change that, to ruin it.

So instead he drank, and tried to forget that he loved Remus, but his efforts to leave the thinly beautiful boy alone were always in vain, since he often seemed to hurt him in some way.

Sirius took a deep breath, ready to grovel, to fall to his knees and apologize, but Remus smiled at him, a touch of amusement touching the corners of his mouth.

"You going to go to the bathroom with me Pads? Gosh, I know that you're childish sometimes, but please don't tell me that you're actually going to begin acting even more like one, because I am not going to potty train you or give you a bath."

Sirius blinked a few times, before puckering his brows in confusion and reaching out for his friend once more, his right hand wrapping around Remus' arm. "Remus," he said, confusion laced heavily in his words. "Remus, what…"

"Come on Pads," Remus said, sounding irritated. 'I have to take a piss, and my mouth taste disgusting, so I really want to brush my teeth, so please move out of my way."

Sirius shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "But… but what about last night Moony? I want… I want to apologize, to… I want to make it right. Moony? I… I'm sorry. Really… It's just…"

Some strange expression flashed across Remus' face, a strange mixture of sorrow and regret and determination, gone just as quickly as it had appeared, before he smiled again, shaking his head in exasperation. "What the bloody hell are you on about, Sirius? You're rambling, and as much as I love to see the great Sirius Black at a loss of words, I really, really do have to use the bathroom"

Sirius continued to look confused. "But… last night…"

Remus laughed in amusement, and only one that was truly listening could hear the hollowness behind the beautiful sound. This only confused Sirius more, and he gripped his head in agitation. Oh, he really didn't understand.

"Last night, you came in here, no where near sober, wearing this goofy grin on your face, before you stumbled over to your own bed, collapsed, and fell asleep."

Sirius shook his head. "No. No, I said some really awful things to you Rem, and I was a total bastard, and…"

Remus laughed again. "God Pads, are you dreaming about me now? I told you, you came up here, and you went strait to bed. I'm flattered that you're dreaming of me and all, but really, why would you dream about fighting with me, or whatever it was?"

"I... It wasn't a dream."

Remus shrugged. "Well, I have no idea what you're going on about, so I'm going to leave you out here to your own devices while I go shower and what not."

Before Sirius could say anything else, Remus was in the bathroom, the door shut firmly behind him.

He cried silently as he leaned against the door. He knew that he shouldn't be lying to his friend, that they should be talking about this, working it out like mature adults, but all he wanted to do was put it behind him. He wanted to forget, and that was something that he could never do if Sirius kept apologizing about it.

So it was better if he led Sirius into believing last night never happened.

'It was better like this,' he thought, sighing deeply as he went to brush his teeth.

He didn't realize how stubborn Sirius really was though, nor did he realize that Sirius hadn't believed a word the young werewolf had said.

_**A/N: Well, there you go. Lol. What do you think of that?**_

_**Please review? And maybe I'll make things happier. But only if you drop me a review. I want more than just one this time, thank you.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Sorry it took so long, lol. I guess I've been sort of distracted lately. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own. We all know this. Sigh.**_

_**Chapter three**_

"Remus," Sirius shouted, chasing after his friend. "Remus, dammit, stop walking for one god damn minute and listen to me, you fucking idiot."

The werewolf stopped walking for a moment, turning to look at his friend. "Language Padfoot. Now what do you want? I have a Prefects' meeting to get to. The Head Boy won't be happy if I'm late, again."

"You've been avoiding me," Sirius accused, grabbing hold of Remus' arms.

Remus sighed. "Why would I avoid you Pads? You're my best friend. I would never avoid you. I've just been busy with Prefects' duty and studying and with the detentions you got me a few weeks ago."

Sirius looked apologetic for a few seconds, remembering just how Remus had gained those detentions, before he growled quietly, shoving his friend against the wall of the empty corridor they were in. "Come off it Moony. Don't give me that bull shit. I know you've been avoiding me, and I know why you have been too. You have every right never to speak to me again, but at least drop the god damn act. Stop acting like everything is fine and dandy between you and me. God, I'd rather have you give me a bloody nose then to keep smiling at me as if I never hurt you. Why won't you just stop pretending that night didn't happen?"

Remus looked up at his friend, tears suddenly swarming in his eyes. Sirius stumbled back as he saw them, hands falling limply to his sides as Remus held his gaze. "I want to forget Sirius. Why won't you just let me forget? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to remember the things that you said? Dammit Sirius, you practically told me that I was worthless, that I didn't deserve to be happy! Do you know how much it hurt to have you, who is supposed to be my best friend, who is supposed to stand by me and accept me, say those things to me? Dammit Sirius, I don't want perfection, I just want acceptance. I haven't cared for a while now that I don't have my parents, that I don't have a family that loves me. I haven't cared, because I've had you, because I thought you loved me, that you and James and Peter would always be there for me, and having you say the things you said to me tore my heart out, Sirius. It hurt, it still hurts, and I want so badly to forget."

"Remus," Sirius whispered, reaching for his friend. Remus flinched away though, tears trailing down his cheeks.

"Please don't touch me," he said, wiping at his tears. "Just, please don't touch me."

"Remus," Sirius said again, reaching for the smaller boy's hand despite his protests. "Remus, please, talk to me. Please? Please Rem, I'm so sorry."

Remus just shook his head, crying harder now. "I just wanted to forget Sirius. Why couldn't you let me forget? You hurt me, and it isn't fair."

Sirius sighed, pulling his friend closer to him and kissing him on the top of his head. "I'm sorry Moony. I'm so, so very sorry."

Remus whimpered softly, burrowing against the black haired teen for a moment before pulling away. "I don't know if I can forgive you Padfoot. You hurt me. You hurt me really badly, and it isn't something that I want to experience again."

"It won't happen again Moony, it won't, I swear. I'm just so sorry that I said those things to you. I should have never said…"

Remus shook his head, still crying slightly. "Please don't remind me. Please? I just… Sirius… God, I know that I'm a werewolf, and I know that that's awful and disgusting and that I deserve everything that's happened to me, because that's how the world works. People always get what they deserve, so I try not to complain, because I know that I had to do something to deserve all of this, but dammit Sirius, I know all of this, and it just hurts for some reason, having you confirm what I already know."

Sirius gaped at his friend for a moment, not believing half the things that had left the tawny haired boy's mouth. "R-Remus, what? Wait, what? You can't honestly think that…?"

"Do we have to talk about this," Remus asked, looking down at the ground. He refused to meet his friend's eyes.

Sirius grabbed a hold of the shorter boy's face, forcing his to meet his gaze. "Yes Remus. Yes, we do need to talk about this. In fact, this conversation is long over due."

Remus struggled to pull away. "No Sirius, no, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about what happened or how I feel or… or... I know it's stupid, that I'm stupid, and yeah, everything you said that night was completely true, and you were right, so lets just drop it, ok. Lets just… please, I don't want… I forgive you, ok? I forgive you."

Sirius laughed harshly, shaking his friend. "Dammit Remus, shut up. Just shut up, ok? God, for someone so bloody smart, you say the dumbest things."

Remus closed his mouth instantly, looking at his friend.

Sirius let the werewolf go, and began to pace.

"You just don't know, do you Remus? You just don't know at all. God, how can you not see it, when you look at yourself in the mirror everyday, and have to listen to yourself and just… God, Remus, are you completely deaf, blind and dumb? Are you so stupid and ignorant and oblivious that you can't see what's right in front of you? I just…" Sirius growled, reaching out to punch the wall as he passed it. "Dammit Remus, how can you not realize how beautiful you are, how amazing and strong and just… wonderful you are? How can you not see it? How can you say those things about yourself, when I don't think I've ever met someone more deserving of happiness and love? How...?" Sirius paused, trying to clear his head by shaking it.

"Sirius," Remus asked, looking at his friend with confusion clouding his mind. What… what was Sirius going on about?

Sirius stepped forward, so close to Remus that the heat of their bodies mingled and became overwhelming, cupping the boy's cheek tenderly in his hands. "I love you Remus. I'm fucking in love with you, and you might not want to hear it, might be disgusted by it since I'm your friend, and a bloody bloke on top of that, but you need to know. People love you Remus, and you are worth it. I love you." Sirius tenderly swiped his thumb across the werewolves bottom lip before turning and walking away, leaving a flabbergasted teen in his wake.

_**A/N: Haha, I'm evil, huh? Lol. Tell you what, you guys review, and I'll give you more, ok? But come on, I know a ton of people read this story, and I'm just not satisfied by what I'm getting. I guess I'm greedy, lol, and in a ridiculously good mood right now. So, I'm going to tease you all, and I won't update till I'm satisfied with my review count, ok? Lol.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Ok guys, I'm sick, and I'm at school. Those are two things that do not go well together, so forgive me if this all sucks.**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own.**_

_**Warning: Boy on boy kissing.**_

_**Chapter 4**_

Remus stood in the corridor for what felt like hours, slumped bonelessly against the wall. He couldn't get Sirius' confession, if you could call it that, out of his head. The words kept replaying themselves like a broken record, the sound like an echo in his still ringing ears.

'_I love you. I love you. I love you._

They were the only words that he had ever wanted to hear, the emotion was the only thing he had ever truly craved, and now he knew that he had it. Sirius_ loved_ him.

He knew he couldn't lie to himself. Though part of him found it hard to believe, _how could Sirius, beautiful, kind, loving, energetic Sirius, love him, _he also knew that Sirius would never, ever say the words unless he absolutely meant them.

'_I'm in love with you.'_

But even having the words didn't feel like enough. He was a werewolf, after all. Would it be fair to tie Sirius to him, to ruin the older boy's reputation, and possibly his entire life, by associating him with a werewolf, by putting him in such an intimate relationship with a werewolf??

It just seemed a bit selfish.

And there was also the matter of Sirius' drinking. Remus didn't know if he could handle it, live through it again, if Sirius ever blew up on him like he had the other night. As much as it hurt him, Remus wasn't sure if he could trust Sirius, at least where alcohol was concerned.

And yet, even through the fear, and the feeling of guilt that were sure to come, Remus knew that he wanted _something _with Sirius, knew that he wanted to at least try to make this, whatever this was, work, because _he loved Sirius _and _Sirius loved him_.

He couldn't hold it in any longer, and a giddy laugh escaped from deep inside his throat.

Oh, it felt so good to know that Sirius loved him.

Remus knew things wouldn't be easy. He knew that he and Sirius had a lot of things to work out, and he'd have to talk to the Black heir, have him promise that he wouldn't drink, at least not to the point that it made him mean and nasty. They had so much to work out, to talk about, but right now, Remus couldn't seem to care. That just didn't matter.

Not when Sirius loved him.

Remus laughed again, giggled really, and a huge smile graced his face as he made his way to the Gryffindor Common Room, where he was sure Sirius would be.

000000

So Sirius hadn't been in the Common Room, but he had been close, upstairs in the Sixth Year boys' dormitory, lying sulkily on his bed.

He looked up as Remus entered the room, and the werewolf was shocked to see tears in the older boy's eyes. If there was one rule that Sirius went by, it was that boys did not cry, but here he was, not even trying to hide it. Just seeing him like this made Remus' heart ache.

"Siri…" Remus murmured softly, tenderly, and went to sit beside his friend.

Sirius sniffled slightly, refusing to meet the tawny haired boy's eyes.

"I-I'm sorry Rem. I'm sorry if I ruined everything, what with all those horrible things that I said to you the other night, and by telling you that I love you. It's not that I'm sorry for being in love with you. I could never be sorry for that Remus, never. There's no one that deserves to be loved more than you do, there's no one better or kinder or more beautiful than you are, so is it any wonder that I love you? I'm just sorry if this ruins our friendship. I really don't want that to happen, but I understand if it does. I really don't deserve you, and as much as it would hurt, I'd leave you alone, and…"

Sirius was cut off from his rambling apology as Remus softly cupped his face, forcing the young Black to meet his intense amber gaze.

"I love you too Sirius. You may not deserve it at times, and it may hurt like hell, but it's fine, because so long as you love me, this ache in my heart is a good thing."

"You… you love me," Sirius asked, looking at Remus with wide, overly vulnerable eyes. Remus nodded, smiling softly at his friend.

Nothing more was said after that. Nothing more was needed to be said, because as soon as Sirius was assured, as soon as he knew that this wasn't a dream, or some trick that Remus was playing to get back at him for being such a bloody prick, Sirius lunged, throwing himself at Remus and pulling the werewolf into a hard, much too sloppy kiss.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," Sirius repeated over and over again, laughing through the tears that were now falling rapidly from his eyes. Remus smiled, in much the same state, and busied himself in the task of kissing Sirius' tears away.

"I love you too Siri. I love you so much. It feels like I've loved you forever."

They kissed again, lips clashing together, teeth grinding, tongues meeting. It wasn't a perfect kiss, far from it really, but it didn't need to be perfect, not when Sirius was the one kissing Remus, and Remus was kissing him back.

Remus wrapped his arms around the dark haired teen, one hand tangling in too long hair, the other wrapping itself around a muscular, lean back. Sirius moaned into the kiss as he was pulled closer to Remus, and both boys sighed as they pressed against each other from shoulder to thigh.

"Remus," Sirius groaned, pulling back from the passionate kiss. "Remus," he said again, voice pleading, as Remus began trailing kisses down his friend's, boyfriend's, cheek and jaw, stopping to suck softly at the tender spot beneath Sirius' ear.

"We have to stop," Sirius said, voice hoarse. You could tell just by the tone of his voice that stopping was the last thing that he wanted to do.

Remus pulled back slightly, looking at Sirius with cloudy, confused eyes. "Am I doing something wrong," he asked, looking uncertain.

Sirius shook his head. "We're moving too fast Moony. I've already hurt you so much. I don't want to hurt you more by pushing you into anything you aren't ready for."

Remus grinned mischievously, reaching for Sirius again. "I think that I'm the one pushing you," he said, pouting slightly as Sirius held him away from him.

"We should talk," Sirius whispered, running his hands softly up and down Remus' arms.

Remus shook his head. "I don't want to talk. Not right now at least. Please Sirius? Please? You love me, and I love you, and I need you. I've needed you for so long, so unless you don't want to…"

Sirius groaned, crushing his lips onto Remus' once more before he pulled away, dragging Remus over to his bed. "Of course I want to, you bloody wanker. I just didn't want to rush you into anything."

Remus smiled, wrapping his arms around Sirius again, once they had landed on the bed. "You're not. I want this Sirius. I want_ you_."

"Are you sure," Sirius asked uncertainly, tenderly cupping the werewolf's face.

Remus smirked, trying to look seductive as he let his hand wander down Sirius' chest.

"As sure as you are hard," Remus murmured, fisting the older boy's erection in a tight grasp, and squeezing lightly.

Sirius groaned again, and closed the curtains around the bed with a snap.

_**A/N: There you go. Lol. Ya, I know that was all sorta fast… but oh well. Maybe I'll come back and start where I left off later. What do you all think? Maybe if I get enough reviews, I'll write about what happened once Sirius closed the curtains. What do you all think?**_

_**Review.**_

_**If I don't get a decent amount of reviews, I'll just leave it here, and make this the final chapter :P lol**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Hey guys, here's the last chapter. Sorry it took so long. **_

_**Warnings: This chapter is in Rem's P.O.V. Hope that doesn't confuse you all too much. Also, the rating has been changed for a reason. There will be slash, and male on male sex, pretty graphic. If you don't like, that's not my problem. Computers have back buttons for a reason.**_

_**Also, sorry for any mistakes, I'm trying to finish this before I head off for school. Lol.**_

_**Chapter 5**_

I wake up slowly, blinking my eyes to clear them of the haze of sleep, and take in my surroundings. I didn't think anything of where I was at first, because I felt the sheets against my back, and saw the deep red curtains surrounding the bed. For all I knew, I could be in my own bed.

Of course, that's when I felt something behind me shift, and arms tightening around me. I panicked at first, the only thought running threw my head being, "Oh Merlin, who was that? What did I do?" But as I turn my head, and see Sirius lying naked behind me, arms wrapped securely around me, I remember, and when I remember, I can't help but smile. Thank God it hadn't all been some sort of wonderful dream.

Sirius loved me, and I had let him make love to me. Could things get any better than that?

I shift slightly, trying to burrow deeper into my lover's, oh god, I just loved thinking that, arms. It was nice, feeling his naked flesh pressed against my back, having his body heat merge with my own, and knowing this wouldn't be the last time.

He loved me.

He loved me.

Sirius Orion Black loved me.

I laughed out loud, unable to hold in my giddiness.

"What's so funny," Sirius mutters groggily, his word breath caressing the back of my neck. I shiver softly as I feel his lips touch my skin.

"I'm just really happy," I tell him, turning so that I lay on my side, my nose practically touching his, we were so close. The way he smiles tells me he doesn't really mind the lack of personal space.

Sirius brings his hand up, his palm caressing my face, before his smile widens, and he leans forward to kiss me softly on my upturned lips. "I'm glad I could make you happy Rem. Merlin knows that you deserve it. I'm just really sorry about everything that's been said and done to lead up to this happiness. I'm so sorry that I made you cry"

"It's ok," I whisper, softly kissing him. I didn't want him to keep dwelling on the things that had been said. They didn't matter anymore, not when I knew that he hadn't meant them, that he had only said them to hide his own pain.

I wouldn't let what he had once said matter anymore, not when I knew he loved me. God, he loved me. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the knowledge. It was wonderful, amazing. He loved me.

Sirius shakes his head though, looking me in the eye. "No Remus, no. None of the things that I had said, any of them, were true. You don't deserve all this bull shit that's happened to you, and you do deserve to be happy, and to be loved and cherished, and Gods Remus, you're just so fucking beautiful. You're so much more than a werewolf, and I'm so sorry for every biting word that I threw at you. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't deserve you."

It was my turn to shake my head this time, my turn to reach up and gently touch my lover's face. I smile as I look at him, though I knew he could see past that, see the sadness that seemed to cling to me like some unwanted mold. "Sirius, it really is ok."

"Don't lie to me Remus. I know I hurt you. I know you can't forget. I know that as much as you smile and laugh and say that it's ok, it's really not. And I know that you rushed into this, into what we have now, because…"

"I rushed into this because I love you Padfoot, and because we've wasted enough time being stupid and scared and secretive. I didn't… I don't want anything to lie between us. It's just you and me. The past doesn't matter anymore Sirius, not when the future stands so bright before us. You love me, and that's all I want to matter now."

"But…" Sirius whispers, his eyes filling with tears.

I shake my head again, gently pressing a kiss to the soft skin below his right eye. "It won't be easy Pads. I'll always remember what you said to me. It's not something that I can just forget. But life isn't about forgetting Sirius. It's about forgiving, and I forgive you. I love you. And to be honest, I'm thankful about everything that has happened, because if they hadn't, if I hadn't become a werewolf, and if I hadn't been abused and then abandoned by my parents, and if I hadn't been hurt by the things that you said to me, I might not be who I am now, and I may not be here, lying next to you. I'd live through everything again Sirius, just to have it come back here, to this moment. I'd live through everything again, just to have you love me."

Sirius whimpers softly, clenching his eyes shut. "I really don't deserve you Moony."

I laugh, firmly pressing my lips to his. "Well that's too bad Sirius, because as much as you say you don't deserve me, you're stuck with me now. I'm not going anywhere. You'll be stuck with me until one of us dies."

Sirius smiles softly, a bit grudgingly, and kisses me back when I press my lips to his again. "We'll die together Rem, that way we won't be separated at all, even after death. We'll always be together. Maybe I don't deserve you, I know I don't, not when you're so kind and beautiful and bloody perfect, with that streak of mischief you try to hide, but I'm not stupid enough to let you go. You're mine now Rem, and I'll spend the rest of our lives together telling you that I didn't mean any of those stupid things that I had said."

I grin, reaching down to grip his arse. "How about, since we all know that you're not so great with words, you show me that you didn't mean any of those things?"

Sirius grins at me. "And how exactly am I suppose to show you, Mr. Lupin."

"Well," I murmur, trailing a finger slowly up the crease of his firm ass, "We'll need this."

Sirius moans, burying his face into my neck. "O-ok…"

"And we may just need this," I purr into his ear, bring my other hand between us to wrap it around his already hardening cock.

Sirius groans loudly, bucking into me as I roll over him, taking my hand off his ass so that my arm could support my weight as I hover over him instead.

"Moony," he pleads, grinding into my palm.

I laugh, tightening my grip on him before letting him go. "I thought you were supposed to be showing me, not the other way around," I murmur, bending down to trail kisses over his pale neck.

"Y-yeah, but you're the one that rolled onto me, you bloody wanker. So come on now, get on with it."

"And if I don't?" I ask, loving the way he groaned as my kisses turned into soft nips and lingering licks.

Sirius moans huskily, throwing a leg over my hip. "Then I'll just do it myself," he whispers hoarsely, pulling our lower bodies together so that there wasn't even enough room for air to separate us.

I grin, grinding into Sirius' thigh, purposely avoiding the hardness that stood proudly between our bodies. "I think I might just enjoy watching that, to see you moving your hands over yourself, moaning my name as you touch yourself, our eyes locked together as you bring yourself to the edge, imagining that it's me touching you…"

"Sweet Merlin Remus," Sirius groans, arching his back as I suck harshly at his neck, making sure I leave a mark. I want everyone to see that he is mine, to know that I am the only one that can touch him, that can see him this way. He is mine, and by the Gods, I'll make sure he is always mine.

"I love you Sirius," I whisper, breath ghosting out across his soft skin as I trail my tongue down the arch of his shoulder, moving over each of his nipples briefly before I trail my lips down over his arms, paying tribute to the soft skin at the inside of his elbow, which I know is very sensitive.

"R-Remus," Sirius whimpers, long fingers tightening in the sheets. "What are you doing?"

I grin against the skin at the inside of his wrist, nibbling gently at the vein there. "I'm showing you that I forgive you. I'm showing you that I love you." I grab a hold of his hand and kiss each finger, before taking his middle finger into my mouth and swirling my tongue around the digit.

"Remus," Sirius growls, "stop teasing me."

"How am I teasing," I ask, kissing my way up his arm once more, past his shoulder, and across his face, stopping when I'm just a breath away from his already swollen lips.

"Please Remus," Sirius pleads, bringing trembling arms up to wrap around my neck.

I smile, and lower my lips onto his, holding nothing back as I kiss him.

"What do you want," I ask, pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it softly. He moans, arching into me, and I can feel him, hot and heavy and painfully hard against my thigh.

"I want you Moony, only you. Please?"

"Are you sure," I ask, pulling back enough to see his face, so that I can look into his grey eyes.

"Why the fuck are you asking me for Remus? Haven't we already said that you're mine, and that I'm yours? I made you mine last night, I claimed you, explored you, in every way possible. Now I want you to do the same for me."

"I just don't want to rush you into anything or for you to act out of guilt for…" I am cut off as Sirius swung his fist up, cuffing me in the side of the head.

"Fucking hell Remus, stop being a bloody idiot and make love to me already. I'm not acting out of guilt. No matter how sorry I am for what I may have said while I was drunk, I want you. Nothing will change that."

I can't stop the smile that stretches across my face, or the way my body seems to respond to his words, hardening farther in certain areas.

"Ok," I whisper, lowering myself until I am kneeling between his legs. He moans as I take his cock into my hands, and I merely look down at it for a moment, feeling saliva pool along my tongue as my eyes took in the long, thick length of him.

"You're so beautiful," I whisper, running my tongue along the head. "So, so fucking beautiful."

"Moony," he moans, hands tightening in the sheets that lay beneath him.

I don't respond, too focused on sucking on the head of his cock. I work slowly, never having done this before. I didn't want to embarrass myself, but mostly, I want to please Sirius. I didn't want to disappoint him.

"Oh Merlin Moony, that feels so good, so fucking good baby. You have no idea. Yes, that's it, that's it, take more of me in. Yes, yes, YES!"

I slide my lips down slowly, taking in as much as I can, wrapping my hand around what can't fit, and I feel him tremble under me and I suck on him gently, then a bit harder as I hear him moan my name.

"Rem… Moony… Baby… it's too much. Please, it's just too much. What you're doing…"

I pull my mouth away from him quickly, his cock leaving the moist confines with an arousing pop, before I smile up at him mischievously, kissing my way down so that I could suck on his balls, one after the other. "I'm going to make you come," I whisper, before lowering my mouth down further.

"Rem… Rem?" he whispers in alarm, as I gently part his cheeks.

I merely smile again, and swipe my tongue over the puckered hole that lay before me.

"Remus!" he shouts, and I can tell it's both a plea and an outcry of surprise.

My smile widens before I gently probe him with my tongue, licking along the rim of his entrance before I slide my tongue inside.

The way he tastes is unlike anything I can explain. The taste is sharp and strong against my tongue, overwhelming my taste buds in a way that leaves me craving more at the same time it makes me want to pull away.

Sirius moans above me, hands coming up to tangle in my hair, and he pulls me against him, forcing my tongue deeper into his body as he silently begs for me to continue.

I give into his request, thrusting my tongue in and out, scraping it along the walls of the sensitive entrance, before pulling out and licking along the outside, moaning as his taste seeps heavily into my eager mouth.

I feel him tremble above me again, shivering harshly, legs parting wantonly to give me easier access to what lies between his legs. I reach up, gripping his erection tightly in my fist, and stroke him in time with the thrusts of my tongue.

Just as I'm getting tired, my tongue sore and my jaw aching, Sirius arches up with a loud cry of my name, and I can feel his come shooting out between my long fingers, just before the muscles of his arse tighten around my tongue. I stroke him through it, kissing his entrance softly, until I'm sure that his orgasm has passed, and when it's finally over, I look up at him, bringing my come covered hand to my mouth and licking his essence away.

He tastes rather good, in a salty, slightly bitter sort of way.

"Oh God Remus," he whispers, refusing to meet my eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I wasn't trying to come. It's just…"

"It's ok," I say, crawling up along his body so that I could take his face in my hands. "I wanted you to. I wanted to taste you. Was it good for you?"

He nods fiercely, kissing me deeply, and I know that he can taste himself. The thought makes me harder, and I moan as I grind against his thigh.

"Your turn," Sirius whispers, reaching down to take my erection into his hand.

"You don't have to," I say, kissing him softly on the neck. "Go a head and rest a while."

He shakes his head though, tightening his fist around me until I can't stop the moan from escaping from deep inside of my throat.

"Want you in me," he pleads, reaching over me to grab something from deep inside the night stand that lay beside his bed. I smile as he hands me the lube, and I kiss him softly before I pull back.

"If you insist Padfoot," I tease, opening the cap of the small bottle and covering my fingers in a rather generous amount. I want to make sure that I don't hurt him, my lover.

I trail my thick fingers down the inside of his trembling thigh, then skim them back up again, before I'm right where we both want me to be, circling a finger around his entrance slowly, before easing it inside the clenching heat of him.

We both moan loudly, at exactly the same time.

"More," Sirius pleads, grinding down onto my finger.

I smile again, kissing him gently on his parted lips, and I ease a second finger into him, thrusting and scissoring them to stretch him.

He groans, letting his hand that isn't wrapped around my cock wrap around his own, and my breath catches at how beautiful he looks in the moment. I ease a third finger in a long the others, and thrust them harder, hitting his prostate as I crook my fingers slightly.

"Enough Moony, enough," he tells me, grinding down onto the fingers. "get in me now, PLEASE!"

I whimper softly, removing my fingers and aligning my cock at Sirius' entrance, reaching down to wrap his trembling legs around my waist. "Are you ready Sirius?"

"Yes, yes please. Now Remus. I want you inside of me."

I nod, kissing him deeply as I slide inside of him, moaning suddenly as the clenching heat wraps around me.

Sirius groans and arches his back. "Come on Rem. Don't go slow. It's fine."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't, you can't. Please Remus? I need you, all of you."

I sigh before pulling out of him slightly, despite his loud protests, only to thrust back into him, hard, until I'm buried to the hilt.

He whimpers, a sound of both pain and pleasure, and I till, allowing him to adjust to the intrusion.

"So good," he tells me, bringing his hands up to gently touch my face. "So, so good Remus. I can't believe you're in me."

I smile down at him gently, leaning forward to kiss him, before I begin to move, moaning as pleasure over takes through me.

"I love you," I tell him, as we move as one, moaning and sighing together.

Sirius trembles, bucking under me as I hit his prostate as my thrusts become harder, faster, less smooth.

"Oh gods Remus…"

"Are you ok…?"  
"Yes, yes, come on baby, harder, please. I want to come, I need to come. I want to feel you come inside of me."

I groan loudly, reaching down to wrap my hand around his erection over his own hand, linking our fingers together so we could both stroke it.

"Come on Sirius," I plead, stroking him fast and hard with my thrusts. "Come on baby, Padfoot. Come for me."

Sirius screams, arching up into me, before he comes, his release seeping out over my fingers and splattering slightly onto our stomachs and chests.

I groan as his walls tighten around him, and mere seconds later, I'm coming too, bucking into him as my seed fills him. "Sirius," I groan, collapsing down onto him as I come down from my orgasm, completely spent.

Sirius smiles, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me softly on the neck. "I love you Moony."

"I love you too Padfoot."

Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, exhausted from my activities, I hear a groan from somewhere else inside the room, different from those me and Sirius were releasing seconds before.

"You know Wormtail," James says, voice laced with amusement and disgust, "as happy as I am that those two have finally stopped being bloody idiots and gotten together, I really did not need to hear all that."

Peter squeaks, and I hear shuffling, before seconds later, James opens the bed curtains surrounding Sirius' bed, and glares down at the two of us.

I feel a blush forming across my face.

"Can you two please use a silencing spell next time?"

Sirius laughs, sticking his tongue out at his best friend. "Why Prongs, I was only trying to show Remus how sorry I am."

James grimaces, turning away as we covered ourselves with the sheets. "I think it was more like he showed you."

I laughed as Sirius pouted.

_**A/N: Well there you go guys, much to my embarrassment. Hope you liked it. Drop me a review.**_


End file.
